Lisa Catherine Harper on Her Transformation into Motherhood

Within the opening few pages of her first book, A Double Life, local author Lisa Catherine Harper recalls the first physiological inklings that she might be pregnant. At a vintage swing dance festival she writes of how fatigue prompted her to take a seat instead of kick up her heels that night.

From those first pages to its conclusion, Harper provides a harmonious account of how motherhood splits a woman’s life forever, as she says, breaking it into the before and the after. Her ubiquitous pursuit to explore the scientific and emotional journey every mother-to-be takes is a must-read.

Patch sat down with Harper to delve a bit deeper into what drove her to write such a humorous and intellectual account of her experiences.

Question: What was your main inspiration for writing the book?

Answer: No one told me that pregnancy (and, later, motherhood) would be interesting. But for me, it was.  I found the medical, scientific facts absolutely astonishing, and they drove my early research and writing.

I wrote the book to tell the story of how the biological facts of pregnancy and motherhood drive its emotional and psychological changes. I was inspired most by other works of narrative nonfiction that combined fact with personal narrative. I wanted to do the same thing for motherhood. The story is about my experience, of course, but it’s also about something much, much bigger than me. I wanted to write the book that would resonate with mothers, but also with their partners, and even with readers who might wonder what the big deal is.

Q: How did you juggle writing the book and raising two kids?

A: Very slowly!  I wrote when my children napped. (I was lucky that they were good nappers.) I wrote in the evenings when I could manage it, and sometimes on weekends.  I also had a few hours of child care a week (10-15, depending on my teaching schedule), and I used that time as well. But it was very slow going for a very long time. I had to radically scale back my expectations about what was possible. It was very hard, but, of course, now it seems worth it. I recently published a piece about this for Glimmer Train. You can read it here.

Q: What is the main message you hope your readers will take away?

A: Motherhood means change—in every single aspect of a woman’s life. Pregnancy is just the beginning, and I think the sooner we understand this flux, and how deeply rooted it is in the body, the better equipped we are to rise to the great daily demands of being a parent.  I think it’s imperative to accept these changes.  They’re certainly not all for the better, but they are certainly all very real.

Q: What was your favorite section of the book to write about and why?

A: I loved writing “Seachange,” which came to me all at once, in a single sitting, almost as a kind of vision about exactly how my life had changed after my daughter’s birth. It was a revelation to me. But I was also tremendously excited by writing chapters like “Signs and Symptoms,” where the scientific research led me to the metaphors that explained why motherhood is so transformative.  There were a lot of “eureka” moments in the research—like when I realized as far as my brain was concerned, being pregnant was a lot like having a phantom limb. 

Q: What research fact stumped you more than any other?

A: Anything about the brain: how it forms, how it processes pain, how it is wired for language, how infant consciousness works. But also, I was floored by weird, random facts no one tells you, like: a pregnant woman has 30-50% more blood in her body than a non-pregnant woman.

Q: You write about your intense and detailed list writing stage of pregnancy. Is that a thing of the past or are you still as scrupulous in your to-do lists today?

A: I do still write lists! My iPhone apps have changed my life: I have grocery lists, to do lists, books read/to read, work tasks, etc.  Staying organized is one way I keep my brain clear for writing.

Q: What do you think the largest transformation has been for you in your career as a mom?

A: Learning to live in the present and learning to value the hard work of raising a family.

Motherhood taught me to slow down.  I knew my daughter would only be small for a short time—and that everything that was hard would change, right along with everything that was good.  I didn’t want to miss it, so I learned how to pay attention to the slower pace of her life, which was a revelation to me. I got to learn right alongside her.

This meant, too, that I went from not caring much at all about domestic life to believing that it was in every way as important as my public life and work. (Another doubling!) I write in the book that I think we often have the wrong conversation about work/life balance. Economic independence is crucial for women, and the question shouldn’t be whether mothers work for pay or not.  The question is how much we allow ourselves to be transformed by our children and how deeply our lives are informed by theirs. This question of transformation and value has nothing to do with work status. I really believe that if our culture did more than pay sentimental lip service to the value of the home and family life, we’d have much more equitable child care leave, flex time, part-time work opportunities, etc. These are family issues—not just mothers issues.

These two things: paying attention to the task at hand—whether that’s a child or a piece of writing— and valuing the work I do for my family, help me find my way through the noise and distractions of daily life in order to find what’s true and what’s important. At least that’s what happens on my better days.

Q: Any advice for other moms hoping to accomplish a goal why raising children?

A: Pursue that thing you are passionate about, but set realistic goals. Define a balance between motherhood/career that works for you and understand you may work at a different pace while our children are very young.  Ask for or hire help when you need it. Get enough sleep.

Lewis will be at Kepler's in Menlo park on April 28 at 7 p.m.

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Lisa Catherine Harper is the author of A Double Life, Discovering Motherhood, which won the 2010 River Teeth Literary Nonfiction Prize. Publishers Weekly has called the book, which merges personal narrative with research “universal, moving, and relevant.” Her writing has appeared in books and journals including Poetry Foundation, Huffington Post, Babble, Glimmer Train, Literary Mama, Offsprung, Gastronomica,and Mama, PhD. She teaches in the MFA program at the University of San Francisco and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband, and their two children. You can find her online at http://www.LisaCatherineHarper.com, on Twitter @LisaHarper, and on the Facebook page for A Double Life, Discovering Motherhood.